Two Drunk Minimum
Adam P. Knave
I went to this bar the other night. Met a girl. You know, we hit it off decently, nothing too magical but it was a nice enough time. She looked really fucking familiar but I couldn't quite place where I had seen her before, you know?
So we're sitting there, at this little dive bar, Lou's, for about
three hours. We're sitting and talking and drinkingfor a while. She
leans more towards scotch, hard liquor and small shots, while I stray back towards the beer families more often that not. Sometimes we would meet up around vodka, but we drank where the conversation took
Anyway, after a while, we were both good and pickled and I looked at her
and yelped. Like a little fucking yappy dog with those big stupid fucking
ears, I yelped. I yelped and I sat back a bit, swaying impressively on my
"Hey, I know you," I told her, surprise still having its way with my lobes.
She laughed a flat laugh, the laugh of a drunk and nodded at me.
"O'course you do. We've been talking for hours!" She changed the nod to a headshake midstream and a brief moment of confusion and
possible expulsion creased her face, the change in direction upsetting her carefully balanced system.
"No, no, before that, before all that. You..." I thought about it and sat
up straighter, trying to look like I knew what I was doing, like I was
sober, "You're that bearded, elephant trunked siamese twin from the
circus, right?" My words hit her like blows. Large punches delivered by
marshmallow peeps. All candy yellow and pink, sugar coating flying off
like angel dust as they collided with her face.
"Joe, man, come on. Do I look like a bearded elephant trunked siamese
twin to you?" Her voice purred at me, her spine arched and she lifted herscotch to me, downing it with vigor. "Can't we just have a good time?" I shook my head and stood up to leave.
"The cops are after you, Doll. I suggest you get a move on. Just like I
am." I sighed and paid the tab, a sucker once again.
"The next guy might not be fooled just 'cause you shave." I slunk out of
the bar and back towards home, annoyed at myself. The City's lights
sparkled above me and onto me as I wound my way back to my small apartment.