god is a pussy
I was walking down the street when this woman came up to me and said: “look at this.”
She handed me a picture and I have to admit I was a bit surprised. I looked at her and I handed it back.
“It’s a picture of god”, she said.
I kind of chuckled. Not exactly a chuckle. A little less than a chuckle but a little more than a smile.
“Really”, I said. “That’s a picture of god?”
“Yeah, it is”, she said. “Go on touch it.”
I kind of looked around to see if anybody was watching me because I thought it was like a joke or something, but even if nobody was watching me I decided I wasn’t going to touch the picture.
“That’s a picture of a pussy”, I said.
And I have to admit that normally a picture like that would probably appeal to the more primitive aspects of my personality, I just didn’t feel anything out there on that street at the moment. Maybe it was the documentary on missing kids that I had seen the night before. Who knows?
“It’s god”, she said. “I’m telling you that it’s god. I took the picture myself."
That made things more interesting, I thought.
“You took the picture yourself”, I said. “So, where did you take this picture? When?"
She leaned into me. Close enough so that her breasts, which weren’t too big or too small, pressed against my arm.
“I took it in my bedroom this morning”, she said.
“This morning?” I asked her.
I had some concerns.
“This morning”, she said.
“Before or after you took a shower?” I asked her.
“After”, she said. “But what difference would that make?”
I didn’t answer that question. I took the picture back from her and looked at it a little bit longer.
“I dunno”, I said. “It still looks like a pussy to me. I need some proof. Is god still in your bedroom?”
I was getting sneaky here. Really sneaky.
“Yeah, god is still in my bedroom”, she said.
“Well, this looks like a pussy to me and as pussies go, it’s a damn fine looking pussy. I want to believe you, I really do, but I’d need to see it for myself”, I said. “Can you take me to your bedroom?”
“Sure”, she said.
Holy shit, I thought. What a fine morning. Birds chirping. Chirp chirp chirp. Women showing me pictures of their pussy on the street. Wow.
We got to her apartment and she took me into the bedroom. I still had the picture of her pussy in my hand. The documentary on missing children that I saw the night before became a crushed milk carton on the sidewalk.
“Alright, let me see it”, I said.
She pulled back the covers from her bed and lay down. She pulled down her pants and underwear—a nice little g-string number—and spread her legs apart.
“Beautiful”, I said dropping the picture. “Fucking beautiful.”
I started to move towards her and I was meaning to touch her pussy, because by now I figured it was okay, but then I heard this voice that came out of no where.
“Do you believe now?”
I stepped back and looked around the room.
“Who the fuck is that?” I asked.
“It’s god”, she said. “god’s talking to you. Look.”
She pointed to her pussy.
“Well, do you believe now?” it said.
Holy shit. I couldn’t believe my eyes. What the fuck? I looked at her and pointed to it.
“Is that really god?” I asked her.
“It is”, she said. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
Look, I thought it was odd, and I can’t say for sure that I even believe it to this day, but I had some things that I wanted to clear up with god and god gave me some answers.
“What’s up with churches not being taxed?” I asked god.
Her lips parted and I saw with my own eyes her pussy talking.
“I didn’t have anything to do with that”, it said. “It was the damn religious lobby.”
Hmm. It used the word damn. I sat down next to her and pulled her shirt up. Nothing stopped me so I figured it was okay. Then I started rubbing her breasts. god didn’t seem to mind. So I rubbed and squeezed her breasts while I was talking to god.
“What are you doing here?” I asked it.
“I’m trying to hide man”, it said. “I’ve been trying to get away from all these nuts.”
Heh heh. I’m sure god caught that.
“Okay, but why are you hiding here?” I asked it.
"It’s the last place anybody would check”, it said. “I mean can you see a reverend or a pastor come looking into a pussy for god.”
“Nah, I guess not”, I said. “That’s fucking smart. I guess that’s why you’re god.”
“Yeah”, it said.
I was still squeezing her breasts and by now she had her hand around my nuts.
“Alright, stay cool”, I said. “Anything you want me to do? Anything I can do for you while I’m here?”
My voice kind of cracked at that point.
“I sure could use a cigarette”, it said.
So I lit up a cigarette, took a drag, and stuck it between god’s lips.