Valentines Day always meant something special in the Larry house when I was just a youngin’. It meant learning about how Presidents like Thomas Jefferson used to bend over slave girls and make them squeal like a politician. It also meant candy and weapons of mass destruction. Now that I am older I see little has changed.
We have of course several new pieces that talk about those two great things that go great together and I don’t just mean peanut butter and murder, I am talking about politics and porn. Should Gay’s get married? Is God really a pussy? Did Kerry use botox and does he enjoy spreading ketchup all over his wife during sex or does he save that for interns? Where are all the videos of those Bush girls? Seriously, I am wondering if you have any of those videos because I for one would love to see them. We can set some tape trading, you show me that and I will show you Jesus and Marry Magdelane with a sheep or two in some hot three way bestiality shit that will blow your ever loving mind. The way Jesus swings that God stick of his around man, good God, is all I can really say. Good God.
Well, enjoy these tasteful and artsy photographs we have selected for your viewing pleasure. The words on the page will gently take off your pants and feel like a nice warm mouth on your private area. This issue more than any others is giving you head. Feel free to masturbate in public to this and discuss it later with your friends. We tackle the tough issues here, because that is what we are about. And shit, it’s Valentines and primaries. So let’s get on with it….
This might stretch credulity but I assure you it's true. I have chosen to contact you rather than any mainstream outlet because I've been an avid reader since your inception - albeit, in an investigatory capacity - I long ago recognized that you were of the quality to not be restricted by cultural pretensions hiding behind lofty but insincere concepts like 'journalistic standards'. I chose you over Penthouse because it is well known that Penthouse is on its way out."
"The practice eventually came to dominate Timothy’s life. He was ten when he discovered it while sliding to look over the edge of his bed. At first it produced a continuous pleasant tingling followed by a watery precipitation. The sliding technique was the only way that Timothy knew for a long time."
"It was another God damn Valentines night alone. It seemed like every single person I knew was with someone, making them of course, not single. So you know, I thought it would be a great idea to go to this Howard Dean convention. I am not a supporter really but I thought who else could be as heart broken and desperate than Dean supporters right now? "
"It should be plainly obvious to most Americans and especially those that are indeed already married that Gays should not be allowed to marry. Now many of you readers may think this is a gross injustice and infringement of civil liberties and perhaps even a violation of the separation of church and state.