sept.  2003

the cabal


ask Yeti


chi chi
j. tyler blue
zink poe
bryan e.
blem vide













shut the
le grand porn
vol. ii,  issue i
Feb. 14, 2004
Entire Contents Copyright ©2004 writeThis.com. All Rights Reserved.
sappho's lost fragments
recovered by oblomov

start from the bottom.  click here.

147.   hype machine [http://www.thevampireissuewillbegood.com] 
I can't wait. I heard it will have neat things and there will be prizes and real vampires were involved in the making of it and it will be cursed and did I mention prizes. With lots of winners! This is what I heard.
2003-06-24 21:41

146.   Bob H. [] 
Still this crap? When is the fucking vampire issue? I'm waiting for the fucking vampire issue.
2003-06-23 04:35

145.   helpless fool [http://www.juicyeconomics.com] 
visit www.juicyeconomics.com
I will live in you forever. I am a virus eating at your soul. Your worthless soul. It was a dark and stormy night and it was also the best of times and the worst of time and Gregor Samsa had just turned into a bug and I bet you want to know about my lousy childhood and I could look into your eyes and swallow my tongue. Call me helpless.
This cat's dead, sir. Take it back home. I do not need it. Louder. Louder please. Pump up the volume. Volume. Repeat. Here we go now here we go now here we go now Daduhduhduh duh. Boop beep bo beep ba boo boop beep badaboop boop babeep bada boop beep.
Maybe I need goggles for this. Help me. I am a fool. You will not help me? Well than I am a helpless fool. A fool

2003-06-22 08:16

144.   somebody who has a phone call to make. [] 
I have a phone call to make.
2003-06-22 08:09

143.   somebody who likes felt pens [] 
I like felt pens. But I lost all of them and now I am sad. Maybe someone here can help me. Help me find my felt pen. We are lost. We are lost and alone in this world without felt pens. And teddy bears. Santa save us. help me. oh i'm falling down a well. i cannot leacve.....he will never return. never. never. never. never. never. never... never/
follow me here.
2003-06-22 08:09

142.   bryan e. [] 
Did I say something? That wasn't me. Imposter.
2003-06-21 23:58

141.   God [http://youareallgoingtohell.com] 
What are you talking about?
Not that I don't know.
2003-06-20 01:06

140.   bryan e [http://this one] 
can we fix this message board so
it's not all spread out and we have
to scroll to the right? It's
message number 119 that did it.
That was me. I give the message board supervisor permission to
delete it.
2003-06-17 04:21

139.   Brennan [] 
Where the fuck am I?
2003-06-11 23:48

138.   bryan e [http://www.writethis.com] 
the bio's scroll too quickly
2003-05-10 10:02

137.   angsty fellow who wants to kill himself [] 
i want to slit my wrists. man i hate them. my wrists. they're so ugly. and they have skin. stupid ugly skin. i want to tear the skin off. dammit. i hate myself. and i hate my wrists. my wrists are the worst part about me. i will slit them. i will make them bleed. they need to bleed. we need more blood. my blood. my ugly useless blood. i will slit my wrists and you will be there to see and you will watch on tv and i will be famous. oh, but i am too ugly to be famous. i certainly couldn't be a hand model. my wrists are so fucking ugly. they need to be punished. they need to be slit. thwwwwipppp! that's the sound. the sound of the metal slicing over the skin, cutting into the arterie. i will die. i deserve to die. i am worthless. why am i worthless. because of my ugly ugly wrists. damn them. damn them all to hell. my ugly wrists. i want to die. i am not good enough for this world. my wrists are inferior to everyone elses wrists. oh woe is me. i am so pathetic. you can tell i am pathetic. pathetic is written all over me. why don't you kill me. make it easier for everyone. i am a burden to the earth, i am a waste of resources.
2003-04-24 09:33

136.   all words were ba [] 
2003-04-24 00:48

135.   fine part 3 - the silence [] 

2003-04-24 00:47

134.   iamthelettersthatyousee [] 
I feel so misunderstood.
2003-04-22 06:51

133.   fine part 2: the revenge [] 
i'm okay with that. i will ban it too!
2003-04-22 03:26

132.   fine [] 
i'll ban it myself
2003-04-21 03:44

131.   person who says "no" [] 
2003-04-20 10:06

130.   ban this word [] 
2003-04-17 04:07

129.   small concerned rodent [] 
I hear stomping.
2003-04-16 03:26

128.   calL for Action [] 
Lost World was really the best one. The others are stupid. Larry sounds like a moron. Glod sounds like he drools out of one side of his mouth. Bryan E. sounds like he pees his pants and has to wear a diaper. Sean sounds like he is retarded and talks like the elephant man.
2003-04-15 17:01

127.   Call for Action [] 
Your "f" is capitalized. IMPOSTER!
2003-04-15 07:51

126.   Call For Action [] 
The new issue sucks. Except for that wonderful girl diner part 2. Wow. Amazing.
2003-04-15 07:51

125.   Call for Action [] 
2003-04-14 21:35

124.   Katharsis Purgative [] 
that they may dream their dreamy dreams
i carry off their filthy streams
2003-04-14 06:49

123.   they are a great band [] 
the toilets of academe
2003-04-14 06:49

122.   graffiti [] 
i know where i've seen this now. on the walls of toilets. here's one from the toilets of academe -
to do is to be - Descartes
to be is to do - Sartre
do be do be do - Sinatra
2003-04-14 06:48

121.   real restless [] 
2003-04-13 15:26

120.   annoyed patron #2 [] 
I hate this place. I am restless.
2003-04-10 03:26

119.   annoyed patron [] 
when will there be a new issue. and what's with all the i's.
2003-04-08 00:40

118.   Peter Boyle [] 
I am so bald.
2003-04-07 09:06

117.   richard burton [] 
Well fuck me.
2003-04-07 09:05

116.   desponder [] 
that's what she said.
2003-04-06 10:48

115.   Ugh [] 
2003-04-05 02:17

114.   Knight [] 
Rapunzel, let down your golden hair.
2003-04-03 02:05

113.   Mary [] 
No, don't bother! Leave them!
2003-04-03 02:03

112.   Susan [] 
Alright, alright. I'll close the fucking curtains.
2003-04-03 02:02

111.   Mary [] 
It's you. You. Always you. They want to look at you. The whole world wants to see you parade yourself.
2003-04-03 02:02

110.   Susan [] 
Who would want to look at you?
2003-04-03 02:01

109.   Mary [] 
Do you want the whole world to see us?
2003-04-03 02:00

108.   Susan [] 
The light is on already.
2003-04-03 02:00

107.   Mary [] 
Close them then and turn on the light.
2003-04-03 01:59

106.   Susan [] 
They're open already, Mary.
2003-04-03 01:59

105.   Mary [] 
Open the curtains, it's getting darker.
2003-04-03 01:58

104.   Mary [] 
Susan? Is that you Susan?
2003-04-03 01:57

103.   sean. [] 
don't call me susan. my name is mary.
2003-03-31 19:27

102.   Bryan [] 
I am tired of all this bickering. I am also tired of the transsiberian railroad.
2003-03-30 22:36

101.   Nietzsche [] 
Zod is dead.
2003-03-30 11:54

100.   Stephen [] 
Do I get something for being the 100th post? I'd like a unicorn.
2003-03-30 03:17

99.   gog [] 
I wish to make it clear that I am no-wise arsociated with anyone called or calling themselves god, false god, real god, almighty god, the almighty, the greatest, akbhar or any other so-called gods. If they are really monotheistic why do they shout about their gods being the greatest? Aha! So. Now. Then.
2003-03-29 15:55

98.   Aunt Fanny [] 
I am not reading any more. I have never been so disgusted.
2003-03-29 15:47

97.   Zod [] 
Bow down before Zod
2003-03-29 15:45

96.   Real Wanker [] 
Stop taking my name in vain.
2003-03-29 15:44

95.   Beelzebub [] 
If you were really an Official Fake God, as you claim to be, you would know not to capitalize bitch. From now on the title of Official Fake God is mine....dare I say: yoink. Yes, that'll do nicely.
2003-03-28 13:47

94.   Official Fake God [] 
Well, well, well.....my name is capitalized.....not once......not twice......but thrice...I'm more of a "God" than you'll ever be, and I'm only a fake one. So take that Bitch!!
2003-03-28 13:40

93.   God [] 
Satisfied now? I must be the real God, my name is capitalized.
2003-03-28 13:13

92.   god [] 
2003-03-28 13:07

91.   Real God [] 
So-Called False God, the devil (that's The devil, there are thousands but he is the head of the clan McDevil) can quote scripture. I will smite you with my superpowers. I have the superpower of super realistic description, for example. Read my lips, "First I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have False Gods before me." Have me first, always first. If I am too busy to smite you, I can get big AL, another Almighty God, ... I have to put you on-hold now, I've got prayer-waiting on the line.
2003-03-28 10:26

90.   god [http://www.bbbsa.org] 
Here, I'll make things easier for you Stevie my boy. Just click on the link above.
2003-03-28 09:07

89.   god [http://www.crucify.com] 
Hey! Hey! Hold it there! Enough of this, you unruly dopplegangers. Only I, the almighty, know who the real "Stephen" is, and I'll be rewarding him afterall; that's what you get for stealing his identity, motherfuckers. I know just what you want "Real Stephen", you can claim your prize at: http://www.bbbsa.org
2003-03-28 09:03

88.   The So-Called False Aunt Fanny [] 
Well! Dearie me, dearie me, dearie dearie fucking me! This is a pretty pickle.
2003-03-27 13:33

87.   The Real Aunt Fanny [] 
Don't start in on me, So-Called Aunt Fanny!
2003-03-27 06:10

86.   Aunt Fanny [] 
The Veritable False Stephen is indisposed at present. He was winded by a punch from the So-Called Real Stephen.
2003-03-27 06:08

85.   Le Vrai Stephen [] 
My Great Aunt's mother's Aunt Fanny was my mother's Great Aunt's second cousin twice removed. I'm not falling for your trick questions So-Called False Stephen.
2003-03-27 06:05

84.   The So-Called False Stephen [] 
Who was your mother's Great Aunt Sissy's second cousin twice removed, So-Called Real Stephen?
2003-03-27 06:04

83.   The Real Stephen [] 
I could have been visitor number 100,000 to your planet. I have a plausible claim. That is because I am the real Stephen, a person who does not even know what muppet porn means and so was plausibly able to beat the false Stephen to being 100,000. Virtue is my own reward.
2003-03-27 06:02

82.   Stephen [] 
That was not me. I am the original martyr. G'head, ask me some tricky questions to prove that I am who am.
2003-03-27 06:00

81.   god [] 
congratulations stephen. you win nothing. zero. nada. enjoy.
2003-03-26 00:50

80.   Stephen [] 
I was hit # 100,003; do I get some sort of prize? I would've been # 100,000, but I was too busy watching muppet porn.
2003-03-25 11:19

79.   Saddam Hussein [] 
Is it over?
2003-03-20 05:44

78.   Saddam Hussein [] 
I surrender. Please pass this message to ten of your leaders. If you do not bad luck will befall you. If you do you will receive a windfall.
2003-03-19 18:44

77.   Kenji unSiratori [] 
You are the interactive data mutant.

2003-03-15 10:30

76.   pundit [] 
never mind. no am done.
2003-03-14 13:19

75.   Noam Chomsky [http://www.iamnotachomp.com] 
I thought that I would find work here that changed or compromised the genetic structure of language. Boy, was I wrong. Instead, I find that you don't accept essays. Essays that I have written. I am writing now to tell you that I will no longer submit my essays to WriteThis. I wanted to state this in a public forum because I want to hurt you people. Really hurt you. I am sending you a package in the mail. Mother...fuckers.
Noam Chomsky
2003-03-13 18:14

74.   Fred G. Sanford [] 
Shut up dummy.
2003-03-13 18:10

73.   Bush [] 
This channel is not clear. Repeat, not clear. Do not communicate further. GB
2003-03-13 02:33

72.   Tony Blair [] 
It's Howdy-Doody time!
2003-03-13 02:32

71.   Stony Burke [] 
Book them, Dano
2003-03-13 02:31

70.   Fighting Seizure Robot [] 
I was in that episode.
2003-03-13 00:14

69.   Don Ho [] 
Whatever happened to me? Does anybody know?
2003-03-12 22:16

68.   Jimmy Stewart [] 
Is that you Hitchcock?
2003-03-12 12:41

67.   Robert Mitchum [] 
Remember that Simpsons episode where they go to Japan? I don't, I've been dead since 1997.
2003-03-12 12:39

66.   Robert Mitchum [] 
I don't like reggae.
2003-03-12 12:34

65.   goat-girl? [] 
blem is the sound crystal quest makes when it's eating stars. once i used the word vied in a poem for extra credit when i was in high school
2003-03-12 04:58

64.   Jhumpa Lahiri [] 
I would like to give all the awards that I have won to sean. He is a genius. I want to shine his shoes.
2003-03-10 18:02

63.   Bobby Grood [] 
Blem Vide stole my cat.
2003-03-08 01:47

62.   Um [] 
2003-03-08 01:47

61.   J. Michael O'Whateveriputbefore-Holstein Jr. iv [] 
Too late, you blew it. I've given the million to someone else.
2003-03-06 05:35

60.   J. Michael O'Hannigan-Schleswig Jr iii [] 
Who wrote the secret dummies? I want to sign that person up and give them a million dollar advance.
2003-03-06 03:40

59.   Donald Rumsfeld [] 
Goddamit Osama, we need you to stay hidden. Get your ass back in the fucking cave. We're sending more blondes. We'll take care of this place.
2003-03-05 17:22

58.   Osama Bin Laden [] 
I will destroy your decadent website by the power of my mighty beard.
2003-03-05 04:08

57.   Jeffrey Archer [] 
I've just been surfing on the prison library computer, and noticed some imposter messaging under a name similar to mine. I may be in stripes and chains but I can still sue your ass.
2003-03-04 22:57

56.   Geoffrey Archer [] 
Well done boys. You have a marvellous sense of humour. When I get out, and can use my own PC, I'm going to see if I can use you.
2003-03-04 20:34

55.   God [] 
i know when. but then i would, wouldn't i? you are all going to hell.
2003-03-04 19:39

54.   sarcastic answer machine [] 
2003-02-27 23:38

53.   Tom [] 
When is the next issue?
2003-02-27 23:16

52.   Bryan E [] 
bloody will splatter. yep
2003-02-24 08:47

51.   Bryan E [http://this one] 
Hey, Murakami, I just got one of your books for my birthday. I am not going to read it yet. First, I am going to go to Vegas and throw myself off a neon sign. I will splatter onto the cracked white sidewalk pavement, my bloody will splatter and seep down the sewer gutters. People will flock around me body. Then I'll stand up and say, "Hey, just kidding! It was all an illusion!!!!" Yes, four exclamation marks. These are new days. Days of four exclamation marks. There is something on my nose. I'm not sure my genius is recognized enough. Who is this Salinger joke. He seems real dumb. I'll throw him out a window. A big window. A window above a garden with sticky thorny flowers. Yeah. Buttmunch.
2003-02-24 08:47

50.   Clonaid [] 
Press Release: We have succeeded in cloning Elvis Presley from DNA recovered from one of his scarves. We are now working on cloning Col. Tom Parker.
2003-02-23 04:22

49.   Bob Dylan [] 
I want to complain about some guy named Fell. Where does he get off? I can go on the Tonight show and any damn show.
2003-02-23 04:17

48.   Jonathan Safran Foer [] 
Please let me join. I will illuminate your pages.
2003-02-23 04:13

47.   chi chi [] 
no. you're dead.
2003-02-23 01:12

46.   Arthur Miller [] 
Please let me be a member? Sure I can post messages here. But I don't know it is, I always feel sort of temporary here.
2003-02-22 04:54

45.   *withheld* [http://*none*] 
-I.M. Anancyboy.
2003-02-22 02:19

44.   Seamus Heaney [] 
there once was site called write this
that couldn't tell writing from piss
they spurned Arthur Miller
and let in Phyllis Diller
now Salinger's slitting his wrists

2003-02-21 20:45

43.   Umberto Eco [] 
un bel di vedremo levarsi un fil di fumo Salinger!!! chen un assortimento!!
2003-02-21 20:41

42.   Arthur Miller [] 
Shit shit shit!!! Do you know what you've done. That novel has now been lost. And why the hell did you turn down my application too? Elitist or what!
2003-02-21 20:36

41.   Haruki Murakami [] 
It is a real disgrace that you turned down Salinger's membership application. How could you do that! You will live in the annals of infamy chi chi san.
2003-02-21 20:34

40.   Norman Mailer [] 
This is to inform you to never contact me again.
2003-02-21 12:35

39.   chi chi [] 
it's because your applicaiton <sic> came with too many spelling errors.
2003-02-21 03:02

38.   J. D. Salinger [] 
As you know, I have not published anything for a very long time. For some time I have been looking for an appropriate forum. I decided to break my silence. Your forum looked like the least phoney place or so I thought. So along with my membership application, I sent you my proposal serialise The Pitcher in the Rye, weekly on your website.
Unfortunately, for reasons known only to yourselves you decided to turn down my membership applicaiton. It seems I have been wasting my time this past fifty years writing Pitcher. I'm sure you will be very happy to hear that I have thrown my manuscript into the wood stove in my kitchen and it is blazing right now as I type. Don't bother replying, I have given up writing for good.
2003-02-21 02:49

37.   Dick Publisher [] 
I remember when Write This didn't exist and we were publishing cat books.
2003-02-20 15:20

36.   Andrew J Goreham [] 
Is that an ad I see above? Fuck you, Write This sellouts.
2003-02-20 11:02

35.   Gertrude Stein [] 
I'll see you when you get to hell.
2003-02-20 10:59

34.   She [] 
why? just because there's so much effort being shown to say you're not;
I commend effort, that's what it took to put things together here.
There's also a seldom used word I really like, dedication.
"The trouble with the Golden Rule is that before men are ready to live by it they have lead in their legs and silver in their hair."

2003-02-18 17:17

33.   Janice [http://www.atheistnetwork.com] 
I'm quite envious, chi chi, jt, zink, and all. Your hobby is so much more fun than mine.
I'll have to get back to This later.
2003-02-18 16:58

32.   George Nobody [] 
Hey. Some of this is not too bad.
2003-02-18 11:13

31.   sexy single guy [] 
are any of you fine hot babes?
2003-02-15 23:40

30.   buffy [] 
is that twice including your message, or twice in addition to your message. i can't count. my name is buffy.
2003-02-14 22:22

29.   chi chi [] 
my name only appears twice in 28 messages?
2003-02-14 10:24

28.   perry [] 
i heard that the secret words for the secret dummy files are not that hard to figure out. hang low sweet chariot.
2003-02-14 02:00

27.   God [http://www.theworldowesme.com] 
I will share my subscription of Playboy with you if you let me see those secret dummy files. I can't find. Damn me.
2003-02-12 21:00

26.   Freddy Marycurie [] 
(not the other thing. you haven't got that.) ;)
2003-02-07 17:33

25.   Manny Curie [] 
(navigated through the website that is)
2003-02-07 17:32

24.   Manny Curie [] 
Evil Dave - you have.
2003-02-05 19:54

23.   Alice [] 
Is this all about me? I am so flattered. I'm tired of being chained up like this though. Somebody save me.
2003-01-30 17:13

22.   j. tyler blue [http://www.writethis.com] 
i was going to say something important. i'll come back later.
2003-01-22 20:35

21.   evil dave [http://www.evil-book.com] 
Well, the writing may be great, but navigating through your website is a bit futile.
I wish I had half as much talent as the clippings from Sean's fingernails.
2003-01-17 20:52

20.   Poodles [] 
This is the worst use of internet space I have ever seen. You call yourselves writers. I don't know who Sean is, but he could take a few community college courses and learn how to tell a proper fucking story. Now to think of it, you all could learn how to write. Sorry bitches.
2003-01-16 17:37

19.   Bryan E [] 
Great? Hardly. You're barely mediocre. You're the bottom of the barrel, and you know it. There's nothing wrong with this. Enjoy your time at the bottom. Things are dark and cool down their. I hear it's very bright at the top. That sorta thing ain't good for your retinas, I'm sure.
Now, if you want great, let me tell you what's great. As if I know. I don't know. Who knows? Do you know? Did Edgar Allen Poe know? Bo knew, apparently. That fuck head. I'm going to beat him over the head with a hammer. Him and that Poe guy. Ohh look at me, I'm dark and scary and afraid of being buried alive! Who isn't, in this day in age, afraid of being buried alive? I mean really, come on! Jesus H Christ! You ever wonder what the H stands for? I'm sure someone knows, but not I, as I am not versed in religious things. But I'll improve in regards to that sort of thing. I'll improve oodles and bunches. I promise never to use the word "oodles" ever ever again. Ever ever ever ever ever ever.
Thanks you, and have a nice day. This site is boring sucking crap crap.
2003-01-15 23:01

18.   Kevin [http://www.livejournal.com/users/factorial] 
I would tell you of your greatness if I thought it was in any way relevant to my own pursuit of happiness. Besides all that though - keep up the distribution of wisdom.
2002-11-20 23:42

17.   turtle [] 
because when things (or people,etc)are so great, they can't be seen at all.
2002-11-04 00:55

16.   Janice [http://www.godisalie.com] 
Well, I'm too busy being an EverLasting GodStopper to be a good writer.

2002-10-08 00:51

15.   THORMAN944 [http://JUBEISUCKS.COM] 
2002-09-28 03:47

14.   Yeti [] 
I will eat you.
2002-09-26 08:16

13.   jubei [http://www.writethis.com] 
Jubei is not chi chi you dumb ass. Why do we have dumb readers. I spit at you. I spit at you all. I should send you all a loaded gun. Yes, I said loaded.
Now go. Go and tell your friends how great I am. I mean, how great WriteThis is. Go NOW!
2002-09-24 17:43

12.   piliko [] 
i really am a bad writer, aren't i? i should shoot myself. i don't own a gun though. i don't really have the money to buy one. will someone send me a gun in the mail? i 'll give you my address. make sure it's louded too, i don't want to have to go out and buy bullets. i want to be able to get the package from the mail, open it, and just do myself in right then and there. yes. that's what i want. so, if you have a gun you could send me, speak up, and then i'll give you my mailing address.
2002-09-24 05:17

11.   piliko [] 
i voted against that janice poem. my vote should count for 51% of all votes.
2002-09-24 05:15

10.   not the same guy as before [] 
They all sucked. This website sucks. The writing sucks. the same guy as before sucks. I've heard that he sucks. Suck suck suck.
2002-09-19 17:31

9.   the same guy as before [] 
and piliko could use a kick in the ass, as well
i read -- vaguely
w/ a sputtering heart
the first two intrsions
the last two lines
and bravo - bravo, for recognizing worthlesness and having the byzantine balls to weild it
2002-09-19 07:30

8.   stumbleinmythoughts [] 
sean's poem sucks.
i'm really tired, i had a long day. I smell like kerosene. I smell like
at any moment, i could ignite
how do you guys feel about terrorism?

2002-09-19 07:26

7.   big skinny [] 
I bought me one of them chicken coops. I'll let y'all know how it works. I hope it works like an oven. Heh heh heh. I'm so naughty.
2002-09-19 06:04

6.   piliko [] 
There's a mistake on the front page. Fix it before any of the peasants notice. Don't make me email you.
2002-09-18 20:32

5.   Madame Movary [http://My Movaries] 
I like the lumps. The lumps are good.
2002-09-18 18:22

4.   Maroondcoon [http://please...] 
so, Chi Chi is Jubei and Jubei writes better than he reviews?
smack me with eureka
nice poem, "timesomethingorother"
more, please

2002-09-17 06:31

3.   George's Pet Rabbit [] 
This was a waste of my time. The writing is bullshit internet crap that seems to pass as "writing" these days! Use some effort next time and quit with the shit ass poems once and for all.
2002-09-15 04:04

2.   big skinny [] 
My momma told me that I would love this site because I have big breasts. Momma was right. I just love this site. Momma, come in here and look at this. Ain't it somethin'?
2002-09-12 07:20

1.   God [http://www.writethis.com] 
you all are greater than great. i know great. and you guys, you guys are great.
2002-09-11 07:23